I know I haven’t posted in a long time. Sorry. Been insanely busy re the upcoming move to Montana. But I have to say something about what happened today, and I’m including Ray because he’s a Midwesterner. Upper Midwest, but that’s okay.
I was chatting with this guy who had a real cute dog, a Scottie. I love Scotties, attitude and all. They are like little bearded hairy men. (Oh, by the way, when big ol’ Jake goes to puppy camp he’s greeted with, “Hello Sunshine!” He’s a happy camper!)
Anyways… I was chatting with this guy. He was here in Napa enjoying the sunshine. He’d driven down from Portland because he wanted a break from all the rain- which we happen to be having for a minute. Our weather has been beautiful.
We discussed the rain. We discussed my recent stop at PDX, landing in the midst of a horrific downpour. If you get off one of the little planes you have to walk through the downpour to get to the terminal. We were all soaked.
I mentioned my parents. Told him that they’d retired to Southern Oregon.
He asked, “Oh, did they move from California?”
I answered, “No, they moved from Iowa. We’re all from Iowa, I’m not a native Californian.” (‘Cuz yeah, I’m proud as heckfire to be from Iowa.)
He said, “Oh. Iowa. Bunch of illiterate evangelicals there.”
And I was like… “Um, what?”
He said, “Yeah, everyone is stupid religious. Nothing there but cornfields and ignorant racist white farmers.”
I asked, “Have you been to Iowa?”
He shrugged. He said, “I’ve read about it.”
Hey Tom, and Ray, I wanted to punch him in the face.
This is what I deal with on the West Coast. People who think they know the Midwest even though they’ve never been farther east than Vegas (or maybe they’ve flown to NYC). People like this dude, who was about as white as a slice of Wonderbread, who think everyone in the Midwest is a toothless dumbass church-goin’ snake-handling redneck filled with hate and vitriol; that we’re uneducated hicks who stupidly refuse to accept the superiority of the West Coast elites who should be in charge of EVERYTHING.
I don’t care if he had a nice dog. I wanted to kick the living shit out of him.
But I didn’t. I said, “You know nothing about Iowa. Have a safe drive back to Portland.” And I walked away.
Tom, you would have been proud of me.
The Loess Hills: I grew up here, played here. My ancestors lived and died here.
Did I mention the University of Iowa Writers Workshop???
Besides, Iowa is home to one of the best bugs in the world – Fireflies! If you watch the video you’ll discover that we’re not all toothless yahoos.