Texas Woman Wakes From Surgery With A British Accent
No, she’s not me. But I woke from surgery a different person.
I’m scared, Tom.
I no longer like chocolate. Can’t stand the sight of it nor the smell of it.
This is serious.
Do you understand what this means?
This means that after a life-long love affair with chocolate, as in chocolate has been the only sweet thing I like– I. Now. Hate. Chocolate.
You know what’s even scarier???
I’m craving vanilla ice cream. I’ve despised (yes, despised) ice cream in every way, shape or form, my entire life. I’ve refused to eat it. I’ve hated the taste, the texture, the creaminess, the sweetness…I was the only child I knew who hated ice cream. I’m the only adult I know who hates ice cream.
But that’s no longer true. Just this past week I ate my first ice cream sandwich – vanilla ice cream between two oatmeal cookies – and it was amazing! I mean, it was astounding.
I woke from surgery with a vision of an oatmeal cookie ice cream sandwich, a gourmet confection I’d once glimpsed in the freezer section at the neighborhood market. An ice cream sandwich that previously held zero interest for me. As soon as I got home I begged my husband to go buy one.
This is it.
Wait… here’s the conversation:
“Please please please go to the market and buy me an ice cream sandwich, the gourmet kind in a single-pack, wrapped in cellophane– vanilla ice cream between two oatmeal cookies.”
Oscar, staring at me: “You don’t eat ice cream.”
Me: “I know, but I want one.”
Oscar, still staring at me: “But you hate ice cream.”
Me: “I know but I really really really want one of these ice cream sandwiches.” I showed him the picture.
Oscar, skeptical: “Where does a store keep ice cream?”
Me, trying not to laugh: “Honey, think for a minute. Where would a store keep ice cream?”
Oscar: “Uh, where it’s cold?”
Me: “Yes. Now where would it be cold in a grocery store?”
Oscar: “I don’t know.”
Oh Tom… You have no idea what I’m dealing with here.
Me: “Honey, when you get to the store, ask someone.”
Oscar made a halfhearted attempt to find the ice cream sandwich I wanted but he failed because he refused to ask for help. Instead he bought a box of It’s-It which I couldn’t eat because It’s-It is covered in chocolate.
So I sent my best friend on a mission to seek out the perfect ice cream sandwich. She found one. And it was the best thing I’ve ever tasted. I want more!!!
This is so bloody weird! Even weirder? My lactose intolerance seems to be a non-issue.
I’ve lived my entire life with lactose intolerance. Even as a baby I couldn’t tolerate dairy-based formula. My parents had to start me on solid food at three months of age because every formula that went in came back out within a minute or two. (My mom wasn’t the type to nurse a kid.)
Out of the blue I’m eating yogurt, ice cream, and drinking milk.
Holy crap, Tom! What in the world is going on???
Oh, and by the way~
Happy Independence Day! Yay America!
For the first time in my life I’m eating ice cream on the Fourth of July! XOXO! Julia